A Hoffstrocity in Motion

Pell, your blog frightens and confuses me. I'm just a caveman. At least that's how I feel on this crisp Thursday evening after having worked 49 hours this week...through 4 days....after a bachelor party weekend that involved about 12 hours of travel and 8 hours of combined sleep. It's taken me four days, but I may actually be ready to talk about last week's game, or as I like to call it, the game that shall not ever be talked about again.
First up: Joselio Hanson, go back to joining your fag, fair haired brothers in that loser attempt at a boy band b/c while you may wear a football uniform, you sir are no football player. Can't wait to see him start this weekend. Fantasy alert: Start your 49ers wide receivers this week!!!!
-Andy "I must've been thinking about cheeburgers b/c I just went for it w/ 8 minutes left in the 4th quarter well w/in Akers' kicking range on 4th and 1 w/ no discernable running game instead of just taking a shot at 3" Reid. Fuck you, fat man.
-A big, hale and hearty "Fuck you" to Donte Stallworth for making his first signifcant drop (w/ many more to come I'm sure) of the season on the final drive when McNabb put it in his hands w/ a chance to move the chains and run out the clock. Oh, don't think I forgot about you either LJ Smith for mimicking that on the next play (3rd down I might add...let's bring out Dirk Johnson).
-A minor "fuck you" to Matt Schobel for dropping an endzone pass that Evans would've caught. Only gets a minor one b/c Westbrook ran it in a play or two later.
-A big, warm, "thanks for coming out this season" to Jevon Kearse. Incredible 1.86 games. Matched his numbers from last year. Thanks for sticking around. I guess we can pencil the the "Freak" (or the I'm going to get at least 3 random injuries per game guy) in for 3.5 sacks, 6 hurries and 4 tackles per season, regardless of the amount of games played. Good stuff.
-A large "blow me and my half Irish cock" to the contingent of Giants players and fans who lauded them for "never giving up" and "fighting like hell" to come back in that game. Eff you. A fumble recovery in the end zone, followed by a Westbrook fumble on our own 30, followed by a 10 seconds and the clock is running w/ Feely needing a 49 yarder after a ball spike to tie the game..."kicked" into a chip shot w/ the clock stopped. Nice footwork, Trent Cole. You fucking moron.
-A happy "welcome back to being an Eagles fan" to yours truly, Bryan Hoffman for watching that debacle in RI on 4 hours of sleep after driving for 2 hours to get there, only to get to drive almost 3 more hours and then get on the train for 2 more before getting home Sunday night. Yeah, that drive wasn't angry at all.
Well, I feel better. Now let's not ever talk about that game again. Ever. Fuck you, Evans. With a dildo w/ a rubber on it, Cape Cod stripper style.